Here it is, the much-requested chocolate ritual!
This rite was written by Steven Piziks, from Wisconsin, and published on page 11 of the Summer 1992, Issue 45 edition of "Circle Network News", with special section on Pagan Gatherings.
"Remembering Forgotten Gods"
I don't think the Aztecs knew what they were starting. Oh, they called Xocatl the drink of the Gods, certainly, but they probably had no idea that Xocatl would give rise to the even greater deities Godiva, Nestle, Hershey, and Cadbury. Many of us enjoy these deities on a daily (all right, hourly) basis, yet so many people do not take the time to revere them properly, possibly because most of us do not know how (or, more likely, do not possess the necessary willpower). This ritual, performed at this year's Pagan Spirit Gathering (PSG), is designed for those longing to fufill an essential part of their spiritual paths. I am speaking, naturally, of Chocolate Rites.
This ritual is good for one of those evenings when it is your turn to host
the monthly coven meeting and you haven't the foggiest idea what to do. Though this ritual might be called "light" at best and "downright silly"
worst, even the most dignified Craft practitioner is hard pressed to scoff
at the chance to scarf down a pound or two of the God and Goddess incarnate.
Celebrating Chocolate Ritual
You will need: chunks of milk Chocolate, dark Chocolate, baking Chocolate,
Chocolate chips, hot Chocolate (or Chocolate syrup), a box of Chocolates, a
stick of your favorite incense, a Chocolate Venus of Willendorf, and a Chocolate Horned God (a Chocolate egg and Chocolate bunny will do in a pinch). A large fingerbowl or packet of baby wipes is highly
Setup: An area large enough for everyone to stand in (preferably outside
this ritual can get messy). An altar with plates, bowls, cups, and boxes of the above ingredients set up as follows: East: milk Chocolate South: dark Chocolate (including baked products such as brownies) West: hot Chocolate (or Chocolate syrup) North: backing (sic) Chocolate Center: Chocolates. The God and Goddess figures should be placed on
side of the Chocolates.
Before beginning, Xocatl and his children are accompanied by literally thousands of tiny hangers-on that must be dealt with before beginning the ritual. Priest/ess says: "Before we begin, we must rid this circle of evil. (Wave incense.) Be gone, terror of the waistline. Flee, evil of the thighs. Leave us, horrors of the double chin. Calories may not
All: "Tastes great! Less fattening! Tastes great! Less fattening!"
Now the Circle is Cast.
Use the Chocolate chips to draw a quarter-circle from North to East. The
other participants may try to catch them in their mouths. Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail Chocolate of the East, milk Chocolate,
mild, healing, and comforting." Eat a piece of milk Chocolate (so can
people standing at East). Sigh with rapture.
Use the Chocolate chips to draw a quarter-circle from East to South. Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail Chocolate of the South, dark
primal, passionate, patron of Mounds Bars." Eat a piece of dark
(so can the people standing at South). Laugh or growl passionately.
Use the Chocolate chips to draw a quarter-circle from South to West. Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail Chocolate of the West, flowing,
flexible, winter solace (or "ice cream perfecter" if using syrup)." Drink
some of the hot Chocolate (so can the people standing at West). Say,
"Mmmmmm!" while rubbing stomach.
Use the Chocolate chips to draw a quarter-circle from West to North. Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail Chocolate of the North, Chocolate
basis for all Chocolate, bitter as death and something we only want once."
Eat a piece of baker's Chocolate (so can the people standing at North, _if_
anyone wants it). Nod in serious contemplation.
Throw the remaining Chocolate chips into the air in the middle of the circle. Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail, Chocolate of the Center, Chocolates,
synthesis of all, holder of secrets delicious and disgusting." Choose a Chocolate (so can the people standing at Center). Check the middle by pushing your thumb into the bottom. If it's one you like, eat it
If not, try to foist it off on someone else.
Invocation to the Goddess and God
Pick up the Venus figure (or egg).
Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail, Great Goddess Godiva." Bite off her head. Pass the rest out to the participants for further enjoyment.
Pick up the Horned God figure (or bunny).
Priest/ess (all repeating): "Hail, Great God Nestle." Bite off his
Pass the rest out to the participants for further enjoyment.
Chant to the tune of "The Earth, the Air, the Fire, the Water..." the
The milk the dark, hot Chocolate (or "the syrup"), the bitter, return, return, return, return (repeat). So good, so good, so good, so good, yum-yum, yum-yum, yum-yum, yum-yum (repeat).
Everyone takes a piece of his or her favorite Chocolate. Have everyonr place his/her right hand over the Chocolate.
Priest/ess (all repeating): "I vow to remember the small, sweet things
life, to enjoy the delectable moments, and to give in to temptation on Thursdays. So mote it be."
Eat the Chocolate.
Opening the Circle
Face each direction with a bit of the appropriate Chocolate. Give thanks
to the Chocolate of that direction. Throw the bit of Chocolate away as a libation. Yes, this takes a great deal of self-control, but it must be
Walk solemnly to center of circle. Shout "PIG OUT!" Do so.
For large groups, the Priest/ess might want to ask different participants
to bring some of the Chocolate. A persuasive Priest/ess can therefore, given enough participants, get away without having to but any Chocolate
all (though it's a good idea to keep this fact to yourself).
If you must buy the Chocolate yourself, buy it in bits and pieces, so to speak, and stash it in your freezer until you have enough. Post-Valentine's Day Chocolatess are invarably half-priced and are perfect for Center. Chocolate bunnies and eggs abound just after easter.
Caloric banishment notwithstanding, sugarless hot Chocolate is an ideal way to allow diabetics and dieters into the ritual without compromising their physical requirements. Masochistic dieters are encouraged to stand in the North and sop up excess baker's Chocolate. Would an ancient Greek have sacrificed a papyrus cow to Zeus and expected a positive response? Of course not. Therefore, carob, so-called white Chocolate, and artifically flavored Chocolate have no place in this ritual.